Whale Meat Under the Missile Toes
by JekKey X
Summary: A story meant for Christmas (and now New Year) but timing I have none and neither do our heroes. For Chat Noir and Ladybug, a peaceful time they'll have. But with a drunken Cat and a tired Bug, they meet to celebrate. Just a bit of fun for a pair, enjoying peace while it lasts. Till the next year where new adventure awaits. Where they meet together at the stroke of the second day.
1. Meowry Catmas

_This is what happens when I get excited about a prompt but it's such an impulsive move that I actually was stumped the moment the first sentence was written but I was determined to finish it before 3AM and therefore this rushed fanfiction was written by girl half drunk on sleep withdrawal. So Happy Holidays!_

It was safe to say that Ladybug wasn't quite expecting this. In fact, she doubted anyone could have foreseen _this_ to happen. She knew the cat was a troublesome one, whether he meant to be troublesome or not, but this was just ridiculous.

With a permanent blush set on her cheeks that she doubted would ever go away she eyed Chat Noir from her spot on the floor as he hollered Christmas carols from the top of his lungs. It was amazing that he was still on his feet with all his stumbling and zig-zagging about. _It's probably having something to do with his miraculous being a cat_ , she reasoned slightly put off at gracefulness.

"All I want for Christmaaas is yoouuu!" Chat Noir sang shrilly, pointing towards her. Ladybug flinched, thanking her lucky charm that they thought of going somewhere more hidden where prying eyes would not see them for their little Christmas get together - an idea of Chat Noir's that Marinette wasn't wholly against, after all their hard work she believed they deserved a little break. Although she certainly was regretting allowing Chat that bottle of liquor they received as a present as his shrieking voice pierced the night sky once more.

"My lady!" Chat Noir suddenly slurred, stumbling on the slight uneven floor of the building they were currently hiding out in. She jolted back with a strangled gasp as he suddenly forced his face closer to hers. He giggled a bit and she resisted pushing him away in fear that his good luck would run dry and he'd pitch himself over the open window with his inebriated self.

Speaking of which she should probably close that…

"I feel so free!" He stage-whispered to her before throwing his arms out and falling against the dusty couch which resulted in a cloud of dust exploding in his face. She giggled at the sight of him bewildered at such a result, eyes wide with surprise before they scrunched up before he let out a sneeze. Shaking her head, she pushed herself off the ground to take a seat next to him, not even bothering to react as he placed his head on her lap without hesitance and started to _purr_ as she stroked his hair.

"No more alcohol for you," she noted dryly, rebutting his disagreement with a quirk of an eyebrow. He pouted but nevertheless agreed, cuddling up to the warmth of his Lady. "Are you even legal yet," she muttered under her breath to which Chat ignored in order to cuddle further into her warmth.

It had been quite a few stressful years since their initial meeting, balancing her normal and superhero life all while trying to keep them separate and hidden from each other. She's quite surprised that she managed to keep the secret this long after so many near accidents of transforming back to Marinette in the middle of a fight. In was cases like that that made her rethink her decision to keep her identity secret, especially to Chat. It would make things so much more easier if both of them knew each other's identity and it would be relief to be able to speak more freely with him. But then there was the thought of rejection of her real identity, something she wasn't sure she could cope with. Over the years he had become more than just being another superhero who helped her keep Paris safe.

And one thing was for certain though, she wouldn't have been able to make it this far (although her sanity would disagree) without her kitty cat.

Smiling softly at the boy, she was already to call it a night after a glance at the night sky and Chat's glowing ring.

Probably picking up on her thoughts, he bolted up and scrambled off the couch with a quick " _mraow!"_ leaving Ladybug confused and a little worried for his actions.

"Chat?" She hesitantly asked as he approached the couch with a piece of paper in hand and plopping himself next to her. With a Cheshire grin he held it above their heads. Glancing up, she scrutinized it with narrow eyes, wondering what his plan was before she saw the words "Missile" and "Toe" written fancily in a way that struck a chord in her brain but she couldn't place why.

"I'm sure that a kiss from my Lady would send me _rocketing_ to space." He grinned drunkenly, leaning closer to her as he waggled his brows. Groaning from the horrible joke she pushed him away with a finger. Without missing a beat or dropping his smile he continued with, "So? _Whale_ you kiss me under the mistletoe, my lady?" She really couldn't help the disgusted look on her face which he only laughed at gleefully before he opened his mouth to what she only assumed was _another_ horrible pun. Knowing him he probably had a lot under that leather suit of his.

That sounded a lot dirtier than she intended it to be.

Ignore the blush on her cheeks she slapped her hand over his mouth, her mouth speaking moving before her brain could catch up. "If I did, would you please stop with the jokes?" The moment those words left her mouth and his eyes brightened, she cursed internally. She didn't want to kiss him! He already stolen her first kiss - which despite her internal arguing _wasn't really a kiss_ \- and he was definitely not getting one from her! She wanted it to be with Adrien! Who she wondered whether or not he would mind that someone else had already taken her first kiss. And possible second.

Oh no he was never going to kiss her because of this stupid cat and his stupid shenanigans and they'll never get married if they couldn't kiss because of course Adrien would mind that her lips had been touched by this alley-cat. Frowning, she quickly thought of a way to get out of this situation.

But his eyes were shining so bright and his face lit up with such a childlike glee that she couldn't bring herself to say no. Sighing, she moved her head to the side, fully intending to kiss him on the cheek so that at least her second kiss wouldn't be with him and Adrien wouldn't be _fully_ against her cat-touched lips.

But then the silly cat shifted his head to the side and capture her lips fully. Eyes widening she immediately pulled away aghast as drunken Chat Noir sighed with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Ch-Chat!" She shrieked, slapping him on his bicep and face bright red. Turning glassy green eyes to her, his eyes immediately took a mischievous glint to them. Slightly put off at the sudden turn of events, she slowly leaned away. "Cat, whatever you're planning… don't."

As expected, he ignored her and fumbled with the zipper on his coat that Marinette made for him, and herself of course, for the colder season and she squeaked when he winked and threw his gloves at her. She realized that he was planning to strip - oh dear lord there went his boots - and she squeezed her eyes shut because as much as she would have loved to leave him there, he was still drunk and transformed and there was no way she was leaving that mess behind.

It was a while and a lot of grunting sounds that finally made her open her eyes to the wonderful sight of Chat struggling to unclasp his bell and zip open his coat. Marinette sighed, relaxing back against the couch. With the rate he was going he wasn't going to be naked anytime soon. With a soft blush on her cheeks and a small smile, she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her.

He looked cute stumbling around trying to undress while still trying to look cool for her.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Chat."

It was with a small smile on her face and feeling grateful for her partner-in-crime, despite his more drunken annoying shenanigans, an hour later that she laid her head on her pillow with Tikki cuddling up to her that she was able to slumber in peace. All while Adrien promptly fell asleep the moment he entered his room with Plagg grumbling and trying to close the open window.


	2. Happy Mew Year

_I am horrible with deadlines. im so sorry. this is also a lot shorter than the Christmas short *hangs head in shame* i just wanted to write for the fandom and this was more experimental than anything..._

 _THANK YOU FOR ALL THE FAVORITES AND THE FOLLOWS!_

 _I would apologise for the horrible puns but I have no regrets. For now. I'd probably regret it when I'm in my right mind. Happy New Year everyone!_

They missed spending New Year's together as they expected. After all, their alter egos were required somewhere else for the night celebrating the turn of the new year. It was on the night of January 1st with the clocks chiming close to midnight as they perched on top of a roof overlooking the Eiffel Tower.

They had just finished fighting against an akuma, one who had been angry at being alone for New Year's day but had been so lethargic that all it took was one good swing with Chat's baton and they were down for the count. Which was all quite well since no one wanted to deal with an attack after partying all night. Even so, it was quite an anticlimactic fight and they were both left confused on what to do next with adrenaline still rushing through their veins.

"How was the hangover, Chat?" Ladybug giggled next to him. It was the first they've seen of each other since their late Christmas celebration and Marinette still couldn't forget the bright, dopey look that Chat Noir had worn. He whined pitifully, dropping his head onto her shoulder before he startled grumbling about his headache and how he was never going to drink again and it would have been much more tolerable had his Lady been there. She giggled at his antics, patting his hair and cooing playfully at him.

"There, there kitty," With one last pat she nudged him away from her shoulder to his distaste. She rolled her eyes before stretching out her arms and releasing a yawn. He smirked down at her, draping his arms around her shoulder.

"Tired already, My Lady?" He purred, trying to cuddle up closer to her. "Why don't you bring this kitty home with you? I'm _furry_ warm." Her face melted into one of disgust, leaning away from him to send him a glare.

"Please don't say that."

"Why not~?" She didn't reply, just continued stare at him with disgust which quickly deepened in intensity with his ever brightening grin.

A sudden loud bang sent them both into the air with Chat hissing and throwing his arms out in an effort to protect Ladybug from the… fireworks?

A pained cry tore his gaze away from the bright lights to stare down at the girl sprawled on the ground, cradling her suddenly red cheek. He gasped shrilly, crying out her name above the thunderous roars of the fireworks. She spluttered in shock as he hovered over her form trying to help her but his hands kept hesitating and retreating away. She obviously didn't expect such an attack, from him nonetheless (they don't speak of the Valentine's incident), and annoyance flared in her chest but died at the flustered look on Chat's face. She chuckled despite the stinging of her cheeks (like, damn he really got her even if it was by accident. She hoped that she would never be on the receiving end of a deliberate slap) and ruffled his hair fondly.

"Don't worry you silly kitty, I've had worse than this." He stilled looked guilty about it though and her heart broke as he shifted away from her ever so slightly and cringed away as if he expected to be scolded despite her reassurance. Before she reach out to him a high whine sounded near them and they directed their gaze to the Effiel Tower where a lone firework boomed beside it.

They stayed quiet as more fireworks were blasted in the air and showered them in light.

He glanced over at her only to have his breath hitch in his throat. The firework highlighted parts of her face, capturing his attention as he followed the light around, over her rosy cheeks, her soft yet chapped lips and the way that light bounced around in her eyes as her lashes curled and framed them.

She turned and caught his eye, a light flush blossoming in her cheeks before she let out a nervous laugh.

"Chat?"

He didn't hear her. All he saw were her lips, ones that he had touched with his own but could never remember properly, only flashes of something soft and plush, of rushing blood and frozen gasps, of darkness lifting and the shining sky staring back at him.

And as the light flashed around them, he leaned forward slightly, barely registering her sharp intake for air as her own dropped down to his lips.

She wasn't going to lie and say she wasn't attracted to him as the many years passed. Their partnership that grew into friendship was something she treasured dearly and she knew that he was _very_ attractive (she would blame his attractiveness whenever her heart stopped at his playful smirk). But her heart had belonged to one person for as long as she could remember, one that only grew due to instance of Alya. Adrien Agreste had become her friend and she only fell for him even more as she got to know him better. But then there was this alley cat that practically forced his way into her heart without her knowing. The sneaky thing.

He leaned even closer and she was afraid - or anxious she wasn't quite sure - that he would kiss her again. Her heart belonged to Adrien… but…

As if he could read the conflict in her eyes, he shifted to side so that he kissed that corner of her mouth.

But it was enough.

Her face flushed as he dragged his lips over her cheeks to whisper in her ear.

"Happy New Year, my Lady."

She shivered and it had nothing to do with the cold. She was very warm right here in his arms. Lifting a shaky hand, she brush the corner of his mask before smiling shyly at him, Marinette and Ladybug merging as one.

"Happy New Year, my silly kitty."


End file.
